Follow up appointment

So I went to a follow up doctors appointment last week. They took blood and an assortment of samples from me a few weeks before at my last appointment. Let me mention that my working knowledge about doctors and how and why they do things is not something I’ve spent much time working on. I figure that’s what they’re for. If I wanted to know that stuff then I would’ve gone to school to be a doctor. That being said, I’m not sure how this stuff works with the assorted cups and bottles of me I had to give them. I imagine there is a team of scientists that manage all sorts of tests on my samples. To keep my samples safe and happy, they take them on walks and take turns letting them spend the night so they’re never alone. The worst thing would be if the life force of my being had to sit unattended in a cold refrigerator amongst the other peasant blood lines. I’m sure there’s more to it, perhaps a hint of magic or voodoo but that’s for them to fret over, not me.

     So I’m sitting there in the waiting room trying to decide if I should be trying to look healthy or sick. If I look too healthy, Mr Doctor may not notice I could be sick. If I look sick he may just think I’m near the end and not worth spending too much time on as I’ll be gone soon. The doctor entered the room and I did my best to appear healthy but with offhand skepticism about it. He did a short double take at me and said, “oh, I don’t recognize your name before coming in. We really need to get a photo of you to put on the front of your folder to help us prepare.” I asked what that meant as I pulled out an assortment of printed photos of myself in varying poses. He winced with surprise and set the stack of photos behind him on top of the hazardous material waste bin. I’m guessing he did that so no one would try to steal them from him.

     We then flowed straight through the pleasantries and right into the important stuff. We went over everything that mattered, a couple of things that didn’t matter and then I asked about the findings of my samples. How were they? Are they happy? What are they up to now? Do they have families of their own?.  The doctor was too overcome with joy and emotions of elation to be able to divulge such information to me. He blinked slowly a couple of times for a few minutes. His right eye was blinking a lot faster than his left eye but I don’t mention it to him because I’m not the doctor. He shook his head to rid himself of the thoughts of my intimidatingly superior bloodline. Mr. Doctor told me all of my test results were awesome. He said he couldn’t believe it. They were all absolutely perfect. I didn’t want to let on that I expected this so I sat there with a bewildered and confused look on my face. He took notice of this and began explaining my results were definitely because of my eating and lifestyle habits. I said he probably needed to do the same thing so he could rid himself of the shakes. Since he entered the room his head began shaking back and forth the same way someone implies no without words. I have been fasting off an on for over a year and have recently taken up walking. This is a much different tactic than my old regimen which consisted of not walking and eating mostly donuts. He then asked me if I was related to Mary Poppins because I was practically perfect in every way. He didn’t actually say those words but I could tell that’s what he was thinking by the way he was leaving the room and saying a nurse would be in to deal with the rest of appointment. It’s difficult to handle my level of achievements and people often have to walk away when I’m describing them. I don’t mind because I imagine it’s both too uplifting and intimidating.

Overall I’m happy with the progress I’ve made. I’d like to encourage all of you to be as good as I am. I would’ve said be even better but it’s good to set realistic goals. Not everyone can be so awesome that people have to constantly walk away shaking their heads to remove the tears of joy and appreciation out of their eyes. If you’ve not had a doctor say things like this to you it’s understandable. You either are doing something right and they’re disappointed in you or you can’t understand nuances. I do hope Mr. Doctor get his eye twitch and head shake fixed soon. I like him. Maybe I’ll mention it on my next visit.