No fly zone

You know when you wake up early and you’re the only one up in the house. This is the special quiet time of the morning that is so peaceful and good to enjoy before a busy day. I go into the kitchen to make coffee and tiptoe quietly so I don’t wake anyone. Life is all about these small fleeting moments that need to be taken in and enjoyed. So I’m pouring a nice hot cup of coffee while staring out the kitchen window and see 4 deer standing in the yard oblivious of me. They look so peaceful in the cool morning dew. I take a step back to grab my creamer and then realize the fly on my comfy sleeping pants has become entangled with a cabinet knob and I’m stuck in betwixt falling and scalding myself with fresh hot coffee. Moments of my life flash before my eyes. I can see myself found unconscious, hanging upside down with my underwear pulled up around my head by my family who from that day forward can never again look me in the eyes. I manage to kick the island with my pinky toe and it feels like it just snapped off(my toe, not the island) The world starts spinning, up is down, left is right. In my peripheral I see the deer all stopped and staring through the window at me now. I hear a creak from our room, someone is awake. I dip left, slide right. Too bad I’m about to die because this is the best I’ve ever danced. Finally through shucking left and jiving right I manage to dislodge myself and not spill my coffee. I set my coffee cup down and lean against the counter. About that time my wife walks in and asks what I’m doing and why am I out of breath. I avoid eye contact, look out the window into the yard and see the deer are gone and reply, “I gotta cut out the caffeine.” She walks on by to get the kids up and ready for school never knowing how close she came to finding me in a heap of broken pinky toes, underwear knots and wasted coffee.

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