So I tried a new look. This is basically how it went.
My wife walked out onto the porch and handed me an ice cold Coor’s Light from her apron. Gazing upon me with wifely love and admiration she told me,”I just love your magnificent mustache.” I nodded at her with approval in her good womanly choices as well. Then she looked upon the world and asked what I was thinking about. I pulled my eyes away from a freshly mown lawn and said, “Ah, you know, stuff. “Well, what sort of stuff dear?” she asked. I rolled up my Brookstone catalogue, popped it gently on her shoulder, winked lovingly, and said, “Well, I was thinking about those new Crocs I saw online today. There’s a sale on Milwaukee power tools at Home Depot until 9pm tomorrow and I was looking to build a fire pit. I’d like to see about a couple of hammocks under the big tree as that would make for a fine napping spot. When this Rona thing is over we really need to get all the kids together and grill out. I’d like to show the kids how to start a proper fire but you know how hard it is to get them to look up from their phones.” She smiled knowingly and then trotted off back to the kitchen to make pies and assorted baked goods. Shortly afterwards I woke up on the floor, Tina was standing over me with a pair of clippers and some sort of large blurry stick that was bent from hitting something stupid. There was recently cut hair in and around my mouth. “Bet you’ll shave it off next time, won’t ya?” She said.