I was just rifling through things I’ve written and found this. This episode occurred in the middle of the night and I apparently wrote this while getting through an itchy nerve episode. Some clarification is due. I have issues with pinched nerves quite often and sometimes it can be maddening. Sometimes it feels as though I’m stepping on something warm but other times it’s an itch that impossible to treat. Anyway, this made me laugh and I thought I’d share. I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t finished anything to post. Just 100 unfinished notes between 100 – 2500 words lying around being lazy. This has been loosely edited because I wanted to leave it as much like I’d written it during the worst of the itching. When the itch isn’t there it’s really hard to describe and honestly feels silly to do so. But when it’s happening, this is the energy that is there.
Itching is, by far, worse than pain. I’ve had ruptured discs and vertebrae problems that have made my right leg atrophy so badly that it resembled a peg leg with skin. I’ve had my spine opened up and metal screws, rods and turnbuckles installed. They stapled me back together just like a kindergartner putting his moms valentines present together. But none of the pain from any of those things compares to itching. I have pinched nerves throughout, but one specific one in my neck that often causes a spot on my right arm to itch to the point of murder. I have awoken many times to find my arm bleeding from scratching it in my sleep. I twist and turn and pull on my head in hopes that it will relieve pressure and make the itching cease. I know that if I can just relieve some pressure by unhinging my head, the itch will go away. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.
I can deal with pain. Pain can make you pass out and then you can rest. But the itching just makes you crazy. If, when the itching is really going strong, someone mentioned that stabbing your best friend with the tusk from a rhino that you strangled with your bare hands would make it stop, I’d sell everything I own to find the rhino. Before I figured out it was a pinched nerve causing the itching I thought for sure I was going mad. I thought any day now I’m going to mistake my wife for a hat. My left arm is gonna sit up and say, “hi, I’m Sybil and I’d like to dig a well for holding hostages in and they’re gonna need lotion lowered down to them in a bucket.” “A skin suit made from people that aren’t itching and won’t be able to relate to this,” you say. This doesn’t seem too crazy after 8 straight hours of itching. I’ve read stories of people thinking they had snakes inside them and were committed for it. I can relate. After hours and hours of itching you’ll attempt speaking parseltongue if there’s a chance to summon snakes out of you to stop the itching. And a side note, I think when people used to say they saw snakes that there was a portion of them that just had floaters in their eyes.
I had to leave my bed and go into my living room because I woke myself up threatening to kill my arm. If I wake my wife up as well then I’m gonna be itchy outside. I wonder how many serial killers really just had a pinched nerve that made them crazy. I’ve heard them quoted saying it was an itch they had to scratch. It would never go away. After just 4 hours of this, at 1:22am I can see that as a future that’s not too far fetched. Since this is a nerve causing the itch, nothing helps. Scratching doesn’t. Medicines won’t. Drinking calamine lotion passes through my mind as a decent idea. I start entertaining thoughts on how to sever an appendage. If you’ve never considered these type of thoughts then you’ve never really itched. And I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but you’re soft. This isn’t that, oh my back itches and I’m too fat to reach it so you run around the house looking for sharp sticks and broken corner molding to scratch against.
As soon as the itching subsides, even for a brief moment, these thoughts I’ve written down seem ludicrous. It was only 3 seconds ago I was considering mass extinction as a acceptable solution to make it stop. Yet, now I know that’s crazy talk. Haha. If I hadn’t witnessed myself write all of that, when the itching made me wanna chew through A metal door I would’ve said someone else wrote that. Pain has never made me feel those things. I’ve spent many hours awake praying for it to go away. Many times I’ve had pain so badly that I was in a full stupor, unable to function very well if I moved in the slightest. But itching is a different circle of hell that even Dante hadn’t been privy to. This sort of itch will make you feel fine about slapping grizzly bears out of hibernation. Itching takes away fear and replaces it with intent. I’d fight a moose in rut right now. The person who thought up more than one way to skin a cat had an itch they couldn’t resolve. They were dreaming of replacing their own skin with a full cat skin suit. This is only acceptable when you can’t stop itching. I’m not sure who else has ever dealt with this level of itch but if you have then know you’re not alone.
Well, it’s gone now so never mind. Goodnight and stay safe.