My favorite part is when you’re leisurely perusing aisles at the grocery store and become part of a conversation between another human and sacks of Doritos. As I meander around waiting for my wife to text me back so I know which muffins are the correct ones, I walk up beside someone who has come to the grocery store hungry. Obviously not having eaten for at least 20 minutes the Doritos sing out to them. I look at my watch, I’ll be able to hear their hymns in about 13 minutes. As I step closer I can tell the stranger notices me. Their carb conversation quickly and clearly becomes for my benefit and not their own.
The strangers body language changes, as we all have done before when someone walks up on us whilst we’re making poor life decisions. Now they stand there blocking the rest of the chip aisle and cookie aisle with a semi-strained look. “There’s no time for this,” the five little piggies on the right foot say from the flip flops as they take a slight step away. “Just one moment more,” they imply just for me, “ we have a busy schedule.” The body language they now wear insinuates, ”I’m in a hurry and don’t have time to make health conscious decisions. Were I a person with more time I’d be battling these decisions in the lettuce aisle. Unfortunately I’ve simply too much to do for that sort of nonsense.” Out loud the stranger is speaking, “well I can’t find a small bag, where are the small bags, oh well, I’ll just get this one” and then tosses 3 of the xxxl family size bag of chips, you know they wanted all along, into their shopping cart.
My wife has 12 minutes before that’s how I start shopping. Oftentimes I’ll spend this downtime reading a thesaurus. A soft buzz lets me know my wait is almost over, again. I receive another grocery list text from my dearest: the chocolate muffins but not the light ones, the dark ones. My wife texts me grocery lists that say thing like; mushrooms, the chicken I like, those drinks you got for me that one time, a strawberry, paper towels, etc. And 100 items listed like that take up 135 separate texts. I’m tempted to buy odd and strange things that “technically” fit the descriptions, but could never be correct, but I hate to waste. So she wins. And I stand in aisles waiting for more descriptions or if I’m lucky, photos of what she wants.. Because I love her and she tolerates me.
But to all of you hiding in the fat and unhealthy aisles, those of us that cover the unhealthy junk with rolls of paper towels, aluminum foil and the one healthy container of hummus, I’d say, Don’t worry about the thoughts and judgements of passers by. Grab what you want and as many as you want and hold your chins high as you head home knowing natural selection is your only true adversary.